As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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