Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
