i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
