just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
