from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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