I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
