just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
