I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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