I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
