i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
