I want you more than these girls want KFC
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
