she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
