Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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