whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
