I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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