the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I sprained my soul last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
