Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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