Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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