is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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