Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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