I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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