standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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