I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize