and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
