Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
