youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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