this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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