My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
