She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
