you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
