Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
