So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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