guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
