i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
