This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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