I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize