You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
