filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your penis caused this!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
