He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
