They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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