I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
