I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
