and she was petting her beer can
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
