who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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