Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
