i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
