went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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