i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
