I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
