Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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