god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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