you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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