The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
