So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
