New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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