C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
