$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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