i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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