life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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