Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
