you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
