Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
