I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
