but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
