He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
