I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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