no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my shit smells like andre
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize