Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
