Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
