My balls are so social today.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
