Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
