Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
